After a decade of motherhood, I finally accept that my daughters will grow up with unmet needs because they are being raised by a sinner. Ultimately, we all Christian mothers do what we believe is good and right for our children. We do our best, and that's what matters because the Lord will meet the rest.
Many parents have failed in trying to meet their inner needs of acceptance and self-esteem through their children by living through them. Many are the women who always dreamed of being ballerinas but because their parents were unable to pay for these classes now they're forcing their daughters to go and pursue "their dreams". I have seen this pattern in fathers too, many wanted so badly to become stars at sports but it came to pass that their boys just don't have the talents and interests. We are to remember that our children were not created to meet our needs or for our glory but for the Lord's glory and honor. God was the one who put in them his skills and talents so it is not our duty to reshape their wired brains again to do our will in them but to only pray for them and leave it to God. I promise you that The Lord's plan for your child is far way better than yours.
If you have been this mother, don't abide in guilt just remember that there is always time to compensate for the old and bad times when we did everything upside down.
Modern society has imposed on mothers many wrong beliefs about how we are to raise our children but unfortunately, those ideas are not working. If we decide to go after these new ideologies and forget the Lord's advice about how to raise our children the cost and pain will be great.
Parenting is hard or at least is what society says to women. But the Lord states that "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior's hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!" Psalms 127:3-5
So, motherhood from the Bible lens is a gift, a reward to be enjoyed but we are buried in so many activities and chores we have to do that are not important. "but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:42
Dear Christian mom, do you have your priorities in order?
During my first decade as a mother, I came to discover that it is true that children admire strength and courage. How many times I have felt so weak and fearful and is in those times where I have discovered that my strength will always come from the lord.
We are to be strong to stop defiance and rebellious behavior for their good, at the end they are the ones who are going to be left on this earth once we are taken home, and they are supposed to have the skills of life necessary to overcome those days to come and to continue raising people for the Lord.
Why do we prefer that our kids do whatever they want just to prevent some tantrums?
Christian mothers are bombarded every day by what normal and abnormal behavior looks like and it has been called to my attention that these days playing, laughing, and running around is called ADHD for most children that display this behavior. We are labeling our children as anxious or depressed when the reality is that those low states are part of what being a human is. Human beings are not perfect, we are not happy every day so why our children should be? We are sad, depressed, and anxious, and that's simply part of our brokenness but God can use all those moments for his glory and our benefit too, so don't burden your children beyond what he can understand and limit yourself to discipline: Defiance, pride, disobedience, and rebellion as those sins are not mistakes but require willfully intention and determination. Understand that your children come packed with emotions too, just let them be.
Let him laugh, let him cry when he is sad, let him scream in the parks, and run like crazy while you watch. Who cares what people say? Let him tell you when he is afraid or anxious to go to school and let him feel depressed when he has a rough time. Depression is an emotion, too although is not meant to stay but feeling is necessary for their emotional development. Through my years of motherhood, I have realized that many times we are so focused on the "rebel" child that we forget the little child who is always trying to please us. They spend a lot of time in their lives trying to make us happy, they color, paint, hug, and kiss just to be praised or rewarded. They do so well in school that parents just stop paying attention to them . . . I consider myself one of those children, and because of that, I have special care with my daughters as compliant children tend to suffer internal rejection and disapproval.
I believe every mother should train their compliant children to be independent and to be resilient to rejection and abandonment. They are to resist the temptation to look for people's approval but only to look for God's approval as they will suffer looking to satisfied sinners that can never be filled no matter how hard we may work to please them.
For the last 12 years, I have been raising my daughters away from home and it has been so hard although I have finally come to realize that it has been one of my greatest assets in motherhood. I came to raise my daughters just with the Lord's help and love. Despite all the struggles I have faced I feel thankful for what I see in front of my eyes.
Dear Mom, before I finish today's post, I just want to encourage you that God made your children and you the way you are. There is nothing wrong with any of you, so stop complaining. Stand up, comb your hair, and keep walking. You are enough the way you are, I promise you.
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